By: Scott Hadland, MD, MPH, MS, FAAP
Raising teenagers comes with a unique set of challenges. Adolescents are naturally
wired to push boundaries and explore independence. But that doesn't mean parents should step back. In fact, one of the most important things parents can do during the teen years is to
set clear, consistent limits.
In my clinical work with families of teens who are using drugs or alcohol, I often see a common thread: Somewhere along the way, consistent limit-setting fell off. For example, a teen continues using their cell phone freely—even as they coordinate with friends to use drugs—because parents aren't sure how or when to step in. Reestablishing boundaries becomes a key part of helping both teens and their parents regain stability and trust.
Boundaries are a form of love.
When parents set expectations around drugs and alcohol—as well as a range of other concerns parents often have, like screen time or social media—they signal to their teens:
I care about your well-being. And while limits may be met with eye-rolls or complaints, teens actually feel safer when the adults in their lives provide structure.Start with the basics: setting limits early & often
Whether it's about drug and alcohol use—or anything else, like screen time or social media use—setting limits works best when it's done calmly, ahead of time and with input from your teen. For example, instead of waiting for a problem to arise, have a family conversation about daily phone use and agree on limits together. Revisit the conversation regularly.
Importantly, explain the
why behind the limit. Saying "because I said so" may shut down dialogue. Instead, say: "Too much screen time can affect your sleep and mood, and I want you to feel your best."
When substances are involved: setting limits that protect
If your teen is experimenting with substances like alcohol or cannabis, or you're worried they might be at risk, limit-setting becomes even more critical. This isn't about control—it's about health and safety.
Start by clearly stating your expectations around substance use. Be direct: "I don't want you using substances because they can affect your developing brain and put you in risky situations." Reassure your teen that they can always come to you if they need help, or if they're in a situation where they don't feel safe.
The 6 "C's": How parents can set limits
Even when teens push back, it is important to remember how much power you hold as a parent. One tool I recommend is something I learned from my mentor Dr. Sharon Levy and her team at Boston Children's Hospital: the idea of "The C's." These are privileges that parents can choose to limit if trust breaks down:
Car: Access to driving or rides should be conditional on safe and responsible behavior. If a teen is using substances, removing access to the car reduces risk of impaired driving or meeting up with peers who use.
Cash: Teens who are using substances may use allowance or extra cash to buy drugs or alcohol. Limiting access to money can reduce opportunity and show you're paying attention.
Credit cards: Debit cards, prepaid cards and payment apps can make it easier to spend without oversight. Parents should consider setting spending limits, disabling apps or asking them to give you receipts to rebuild trust.
Cell phone: Teens can use phones to contact friends who use drugs, get drugs or take part in risky behavior online. Taking away the phone for a while or checking how it's used can break these habits and help open space for safer ones.
Computer: Like phones, computers are a portal to social networks and risky online spaces. Limit use or move the computer to a shared space to increase visibility.
Curfew: Setting and enforcing a curfew helps teens stay safe and discourages late-night hangouts where substance use is more likely. Be clear and consistent about expectations and check-ins.
These aren't punishments—they're
boundaries.
Used thoughtfully, they give structure while keeping the relationship intact. If your teen violates a rule or your trust, say something like: "Because we agreed you wouldn't use cannabis, and I found out you did, we're going to take a break from the car this week. We can talk next weekend about earning it back." This approach helps teens understand that privileges come with responsibility.Role modeling matters
It's also important to reflect on your own
behavior. Teens watch what we do more than what we say. If you're setting limits around your teen's cannabis or alcohol use but regularly drink heavily at dinner or talk casually about getting high, your message won't land.
This doesn't mean parents need to be perfect. But it
does mean being mindful. Consider making a family commitment to cut back on substances together. For example: "Let's both work on healthier habits. I'm going to take a break from drinking during the week, and I'd like you to avoid using substances, too."
When a teen is really struggling
If you're worried that your teen is using substances more regularly, hiding their use or seems to be in real distress, don't go it alone. Talk to your pediatrician. They can help assess what's going on and connect you to specialists if needed.
In these cases, limit-setting becomes even more essential—not as a punishment, but as a way to keep your teen safe while you get them help. And the C's can be especially helpful tools. When used with consistency and care, they help your teen understand that their choices have consequences, but that your support remains unwavering.
Remember
Limits are a form of love. Set them early. Hold them with confidence. And revisit them with compassion.
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About Dr. Hadland
Scott Hadland, MD, MPH, MS, FAAP, is a practicing pediatrician and addiction specialist. He serves as Chief of Adolescent Medicine at Mass General Brigham for Children and an Associate Professor of Pediatrics at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Hadland leads NIH-funded research on adolescent substance use and mental health.
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