A new baby brings joys and challenges to a family. Along with the excitement comes change. You may be nervous about how your older children will react to the newborn.
All sorts of questions come up:
How should we tell our older children that they are going to have a baby brother or sister? Will they be jealous of the new baby? How can we help them get along?
Here is information to help prepare older siblings for your growing family's new arrival.
How children of different ages react to a new baby
While a child's unique personality may also affect how they respond, knowing what to expect from each age group can make these changes easier.
Toddlers: ages 1 to 2 years
Children this age may not understand much about what it means to have a new sibling. But you can bring up the topic with your child so they can get used to the idea. They may not understand why you are excited, but your attitude will rub off on them, and they will feel excited too. Also, it's important to reassure them that they are loved.
Before your new baby arrives
Read children's books about newborns and siblings with your child. This can help them become familiar with words such as sister, brother and new baby.
After your new baby arrives
Make sure the focus isn't all on your new baby. Here are two ideas.
Give your child a special gift.
Plan a one-on-one date with your child. This can be with parents, grandparents or other family members.
Explain to your child that sometimes you need to take care of baby first. Although older siblings can help with feeding time or baby's bath time, your baby needs one-on-one time too.
Preschoolers: ages 2 to 4 years
At this age, your child is still learning how to share with others and may feel like they need to compete for your attention. They may also have a difficult time adjusting to changes in your family's routine. Here are some suggestions that may help ease your preschooler into being a big brother or big sister.
Before your new baby arrives
Find chances to talk about baby. For example, you can mention that a new baby will be in the family when you start buying nursery furniture or baby clothes. Another good opportunity is when your child starts asking about Mom's growing belly. Consider signing up for a siblings class, if your hospital offers one. Continue to read children's books about newborns and siblings with your child.
Remind your child about when they were a baby. Show your child their baby pictures. If you are going to use some of their old baby things, let them play with them a bit before you get them ready for the new baby. Consider giving your child a doll so that they can take care of "their" baby. This helps explain what being around a baby is like.
Be honest. Explain that the baby will be cute but will also cry and take a lot of your time and attention. Also, make sure your child knows that it may be a while before they can play with the new baby and, when they play or help care for baby, that they need to be gentle. Reassure your child that you will love them just as much after the baby is born, as you do now.
Involve your preschooler in planning for baby. This will make them less jealous. Let them shop with you for baby items.
Time major changes in your child's routine. If you can, finish toilet training or switching from a crib to a bed before the baby arrives. If that is not possible, put it off until after the baby is settled at home. Otherwise, your child may feel overwhelmed by trying to learn new things on top of all the changes caused by the new baby.
Prepare your child for when you are in the hospital. They may be confused when you leave for the hospital. Explain that you will be back with the new baby in a few days. You can tell your child that you and the new baby will need to stay in the hospital until the doctor says it's OK to go home.
After your new baby arrives
Expect your child to regress a little. For example, your toilet-trained child might suddenly start having "accidents," or they might want to take a bottle. This is normal and is your older child's way of making sure they still have your love and attention. Instead of telling them to act their age, let him have the attention they need. Praise them when they act more grown-up.
Set aside special time for your child. Read, play games, listen to music or simply talk together. Show them that you love them and want to do things with them. Also, make them feel that they are a part of things by having them cuddle next to you when you feed the baby.
Find ways to invite your child to help. You want to make sure your child feels included and not excluded. This helps build a bond between siblings, reduce jealousy and promote curiosity.
Ask family and friends to spend time with your older child when they come to see the new baby. This will help them feel special and not left out. Some family and friends may also give them a small gift when they bring gifts for the baby.
Have your child spend time with another family member. A new baby is a great opportunity for partners and other family members to spend time alone with older children.
School-aged children: ages 5 and above
Children older than 5 years are usually not as threatened by a new baby as younger children are. However, they may resent the attention the new baby gets.
Before your new baby arrives
Tell your child what is happening in language they can understand. Explain what having a new baby means and what changes may affect them.
Have your older child help get things ready for the new baby by fixing up the baby's room, picking out clothes or buying diapers.
After your new baby arrives
- Have someone bring your child to the hospital to meet their new sibling, if your child is not already at the hospital. This will help them feel part of the growing family.
- When you bring the new baby home, make your older child feel that they have a role to play in caring for the baby. Tell them they can hold the baby, although they must ask you first. Teach them how to hold the baby. Praise them when they are gentle and loving toward the baby.
- Do not overlook your older child's needs and activities. Let them know how much you love them. Make an effort to spend some time alone with them each day. Use that as a chance to remind them how special they are.
Self-care for parents
Remember that, as a parent, you are adjusting to your growing family, too. Keep in mind:
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