During your child's preschool-age years, they'll discover a lot about themselves and interacting with people around them.
Once they reach age 3, your child will be much less selfish than they were before. They'll be less dependent on you. This is a sign that their own sense of identity is stronger and more secure.
Making friends
Now they'll actually play with other children, interacting instead of just playing side by side. In the process, they'll recognize that not everyone thinks exactly as they do. They can now understand that each of their playmates has many unique qualities, and that some are easier to get along with than others.
At this age, you'll also find your child drifting toward certain kids and starting to develop friendships with them. As they create these friendships, children discover that they, too, each have special qualities that make them likable. This gives a vital boost to self-esteem.
Sharing & taking turns
There's more good news about your child's development at this age: they become more aware of and sensitive to the feelings and actions of others. As this happens, they'll gradually stop competing as much and cooperate more when playing with friends.
Your child will learn to take turns and share toys in small groups. Of course, sometimes they won't. But instead of grabbing, whining, or screaming for something, they'll actually ask politely much of the time.
You can look forward to less aggressive behavior and calmer play sessions. Three-year-olds are able to work out solutions to disputes by taking turns or trading toys. However, particularly in the beginning, you'll need to encourage this cooperation.
5 tips for teaching your child how to share
Say to your child "use your words" to deal with problems instead of acting out.
Remind them that when two children are sharing a toy, each gets an equal turn.
Suggest ways to reach a simple solution when your child and another child want the same toy. They might draw for the first turn, for example, or find another toy or activity. This doesn't work all the time, but it's worth a try.
Help your child with the appropriate words to describe their feelings and desires so that they don't feel frustrated.
Above all, show by your own example how to cope peacefully with conflicts. If you have a temper, try to tone down your reactions around your child. Otherwise, they'll mimic your behavior whenever they're under stress.
When anger or frustration gets physical
No matter what you do, however, there probably will be times when your child's anger or frustration becomes physical. When that happens, restrain them from hurting others. If they don't calm down quickly, move them away from the other children.
Talk to your child about their feelings and try to figure out why they're so upset. Let them know you understand and accept their feelings. But make it clear that hitting or physically attacking another child is not a good way to express these emotions.
Saying sorry: learning how to apologize & mean it
Help your child see the situation from the other child's point of view by reminding them of a time when someone hit or screamed at them. Then, suggest more peaceful ways to resolve their conflicts. Once they understand what they've done wrong—but not before—ask them to apologize to the other child.
Keep in mind that simply saying "I'm sorry" may not help your child correct their behavior; they also need to know why they're apologizing. They may not understand right away, but give it time. By age 4 these explanations will begin to mean something.
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