What Is Foster Parenting?

By: Dr. Mary V. Greiner, MD, MS, FAAP

It's a reality that hundreds of thousands of American children face each year: If there is sufficient reason for concern for maltreatment resulting in risk to a child's health and/or safety in their home, a court will rule that the child be temporarily removed from the home and placed in the custody of child welfare.

So where does this child go from here? In many cases, they go to a foster family. Foster caregivers are trained, dedicated volunteers who have decided to open their homes and families to a child in need for as long as the courts deem is necessary. The goal is always to reunite the child with their family of origin whenever possible.

In the meantime, though, the foster family is home for a child in need. And the difference foster caregivers can make in the life of a child is overwhelmingly positive.

Who is a foster caregiver?

There is no single type of person who becomes a foster caregiver. Some foster caregivers are married couples with children; others are single people without any children in the home. Some are young adults; others are older adults with adult children who no longer live in the home. Any arrangement may work for fostering!

Regardless, foster caregivers are vetted through their foster agency. Typically, this includes a thorough background check and a home inspection to make sure the potential caregiver can provide the warm, safe, nurturing home a child needs. It also includes hands-on training to prepare the potential caregiver for the responsibilities and challenges of providing foster care, such as understanding the impact of trauma on children.

Above all, foster caregivers are extraordinary people who have made the commitment to share their homes with children who need a safe place to stay, and to do so for as long as is needed.

Weighing the decision

Making the decision to become a foster caregiver is not easy, and it's important that prospective foster caregivers deeply consider why they want to foster and what their motivations are. Having motivations and expectations laid out early can be helpful down the line when things may get harder or more stressful.

Having the whole family on board is another critical step in the decision-making process, and many experts recommend having a conversation about it as a larger family unit to better understand how fostering a child (or children) will change the family dynamics, routines, and other aspects of life.

Experts also stress the importance of prospective foster caregivers understanding the challenges that will come along with the decision. When fostering children, parents need to be able to provide a ready, warm, loving, nurturing home even when the children may be experiencing symptoms of trauma.

A child at your door

It's one of those profound moments foster caregivers never forget: the day (or night) the child shows up on their doorstep, typically with the child welfare worker at their side. What then?

The best approach is to be calm and welcoming as foster caregivers explain who they are, why the child is here at this new home, and why it's a temporary situation. Foster caregivers should make it clear that they're glad the child is in their home, and it's their job to keep the child(ren) safe and take care of them for as long as they're there.

A tour of the home is often a good idea, including all family members and the room where the child will live. It's important to remember that almost every child would prefer to be at home with their family of origin, even if that's not possible. Anything foster caregivers can do to help ease the child through this difficult situation is a good thing.

Between two homes

As a child in foster care gets settled into what is hopefully a temporary situation, many questions will naturally come up. Experts emphasize the importance of talking to the child(ren) with honesty at a developmentally-appropriate level about the process and what to expect.

Often, for children in foster care, visits with the family of origin are an important part of the process, and lots of things will be new for them—new family, new neighbors, sometimes a new school. This can be tough for a child, so it's key to create as much continuity and stability as possible. Experts recommend using familiar objects, such as stuffed animals, as well as rituals and practices, to give the child a sense of well-being. This can help remind children that there are people in their lives who love them and care about them.

When the child returns from a visit, tough emotions can be a factor and the "re-entry" period is an opportunity to maintain a calm demeanor and be there for the child while still giving them the space they need to talk about their emotions, if they're comfortable.

Going back home—or staying put

An even bigger transition occurs for the child in foster care—and for both the origin and foster families, too—if and when the court decides it's time for the child to return home. This typically occurs when the family of origin has met the goals set by child welfare and the courts.

There's nothing easy about parting with a child that has been welcomed into the home and heart, but it's important to be honest and open about what's happening. Ideally, there is a good relationship between the foster family and the family of origin, which can go a long way to keeping the child's sense of continuity and well-being strong.

Going home is the most common outcome for children who leave foster care. Because of this, foster caregivers often care for a child for a limited time, focusing on safety, stability and comfort while the family of origin works to make the home safe again.

Sometimes, children cannot return home safely. In those situations, about one-quarter of children who leave foster care are adopted, most often by relatives or by the foster caregivers who already know and care for them.

Whether it's for a few nights, a few years, or the rest of the child's life, a foster caregiver can make all the difference in the world to a child in need.

Beyond foster parenting

Not everyone can be a foster caregiver, but many people who can't foster can still play an enormously important role in the life of a child in foster care by volunteering.

There are many roles for a volunteer in the life of a child in foster care. Most states have a court-appointed special advocate (CASA) program where volunteers can be appointed by the court to advocate for the child's best interests every step of the way. Other volunteer roles can include mentors, tutors, coaches, and educational surrogates.

There are many other opportunities to help as well, such as donating items like clothes, school supplies, and toys and providing financial support to organizations supporting children in foster care.

Even if it's just an hour a month, time spent with a child in foster care can provide meaningful and long-lasting benefits.