The 5Rs: Ways to Support Your Teen’s Resilience During Stressful Times

Adolescence, the pivotal period between childhood and adulthood, brings big changes in a teen's physical, mental, social and emotional growth. They're figuring out who they are—all while handling school, friendships and growing independence. When stress or trauma enters the picture, it can feel overwhelming for them and for you. You play a vital role in helping them feel safe, supported and connected.

1. Relate

Build (and rebuild) connection by showing genuine interest in your teen's thoughts, action and interests.

Connection is the foundation of resilience. Even as teens spend more time away from home, they rely on their families for support. When teens are struggling, staying connected can feel hard. Remember that even small moments matter.

Look for everyday opportunities to connect, such as during car rides, family meals or other shared activities. When teens are struggling, staying connected can feel hard. Remember that even small moments matter.

Encourage your teen to try new things, even if they don't go as planned. Celebrate their effort and what they learned along the way. When teens ask you to, sharing your own experiences also can help teens feel understood.

Try saying:

• "I really admire the effort you put in. That took courage."
  

• "I know it's hard. I've felt that way too, sometimes. You're not alone. We'll get through it together."

• "Would you like to hang out together for a bit?"
  
  

2. Recognize

You know your teen better than anyone. Notice changes in your teen's mood or behavior that may be signs something is bothering them.

You may see small shifts in your teen's routines, energy or social life. Gently naming what you notice, without judgment, can open the door to connection. Sometimes, listening without trying to fix things right away is exactly what your teen needs.

Try saying:

• "I've noticed you've been a little quieter lately. I'm here if you want to talk."

• "Would you like to chat about what's on your mind?"
  
  

3. Reassure

Help your teen feel safe, supported and understood. Teens need to know they can count on caring adults, even when emotions run high. A calm, steady presence can be very reassuring.

Reflect back what your teen shares to show that you're listening. Talk with them about what helps when they're stressed and what has worked in the past. This can remind them of resilience skills they already have. Remind them they are not alone.

Try saying:

• "Whatever it is, I'm here for you no matter what. We'll get through it together."

• "You don't have to talk right now. I'm here whenever you're ready."

• "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me."
  

• "You have dealt with some other tough things and handled them well. What do you think might help here?"
  
  

4. Return to routine

Support healthy routines at home and outside the home. Predictable routines help teens feel safe and grounded. Try to establish and keep routines such as shared meals, physical activity, screen-free times, game nights and bedtimes consistent.

Involve teens when planning family schedules and activities. Having a say can help them feel respected and more engaged.

Try saying:

• "Let's look at the week together and see what feels doable."

• "I really like spending time with you."
  
  

5. Regulate

Support your teen's emotional growth by modeling healthy ways to manage feelings and reminding them that they already have some helpful strategies.

Teens can only regulate their emotions when the adults around them are regulated. Teens learn by watching how adults handle stress so being a good role model helps.

Before helping your teen regulate their emotions, it's important to check in with yourself. When you are calm, you help your teen calm down too. If emotions are running high, it's okay to pause and come back to the conversation later. When you're ready, listen for what your teen needs in the moment such as space, comfort, or quiet company, and acknowledge their feelings without judgment.

Try saying:

• "I'd like to understand what's on your mind. I'm here to listen and help when you're ready."

• "I'm here if you need a quiet moment or a break. Just let me know what would help right now."
  

• "When I'm stressed, it helps me to take a walk or talk with someone I trust. What helps you?"
  
  

Helping your teen heal from trauma

Healing takes time, patience and connection. During hard moments, try to meet your teen at eye level, speak calmly and remain nearby until they're ready to reconnect. Remember that strong emotions are often a sign of stress, not a personal rejection.

If you're concerned about your teen's mental health, talk with their pediatrician. They can help connect you with additional support and resources.

More information

• The 5Rs: Ways to Support Your Teen's Resilience (downloadable graphic)

• Teen Mental Health: How to Know When Your Child Needs Help

• Healthy Mental & Emotional Development: 4 Key Building Blocks
  
  

• Parenting After Trauma: Understanding Your Child's Needs

• Adverse Childhood Experiences: Buffering Stress & Building Resilience

• Stressful Experiences: How to Help Your Child Heal

• The 3 Rs: Ways to Support Your Child's Resilience (downloadable graphic)

• Stress & Anxiety Relief Through Healthy Relationships (video)

• The Calm Toolbox: Healthy Ways to Cope With Stress (AAP Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health)
  

Christine Thang, MD, FAAP, Flor Arellano, MPH, Samantha Kucaj, PsyD,and Moira Szilagyi, MD, PhD, FAAP, contributed to this article.